Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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