Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Randomize
