what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
