What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
