I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
