Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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