I have demons in me.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
