Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
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