I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Can you bring me the toilet please
3 2 1 whiskey
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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