names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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