they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
