Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
