Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
