My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
