We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
