Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
