theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
