3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
