margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I wish my penis had an off switch
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
