Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
