he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
