That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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