On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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