ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
