after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
