Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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