Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
