the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
