NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
