You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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