i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just want nice things and good sex
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
