I think I died a long time ago.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
