You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
