i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
