i may or may not be watching the land before time
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
