I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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