Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
