lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
