You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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