the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Edward fifth and chaser hands
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
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