Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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