I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
