Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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