My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
