i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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