Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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