Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
