WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
