so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Randomize
