boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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